Kid’s letter to Santa goes viral, dad responds to request

Photo Credit: Drew Magary

Among the Christmas wishes of Drew Magary’s daughter, Saige, are: “1,000 bucks,” “a little thing that can turn into anything at anytime,” “a grill,” “new American Girl Doll of the Year 2014,” and more.

Saige’s first wish is a gift from the future, meaning a “new American Girl Doll of the Year 2014.” Her father’’s reaction: “Here is my kid asking for a present from the future, and that represents one of the more reasonable items. I love you, but you cannot have this, sweetheart.”

Also, $1,000…

Magary answered to this requirement: “This is Christmas, not an Italian wedding. Uncle Vito isn’t gonna slip you an envelope in between stints at the raw bar. We put thought into our gifts here. You want cash? Clear the spiders out of the attic. I’ll give you three bucks for it. A thousand dollars. Jesus Christ. I’m sorry, but you cannot have this.”

Still keeping her desires extravagant, Saige also writes that she also wants “a little thing that can turn into anything at anytime.”

Her father’s response: “The f–k is this? What am I, Galactus? Do you understand the catastrophic universal implications of possessing a shape-shifting, time-traveling device? Even Rob Gronkowski knows that isn’t to be toyed with. You could turn it into a separate moon any time you like and then the Earth would be fu—ng DESTROYED by the additional gravitation. You cannot be trusted with this at age 7. If such a thing existed and were affordable, I wouldn’t have children. I would have a SPACE BROTHEL. There’s a reason that we have the laws of physics in place. And you expect this thing to be portable as well? You cannot have this.”

For more hilarious wishes and answers visit Deadspin.