Michelle Williams speaks about Heath Ledger for the first time after his death

Nearly three years after the death of her 5-year-old daughter’s father, Michelle Williams broke the silence for the first time in an interview with ABC’s show Nightline.

Her first meeting with Heath Ledger was on the set of Ang Lee’s movie ”Brokeback Mountain” in 2004, where the late actor played her husband.

About 12 months after his death, Michelle Williams said: “In a strange way, I miss that year, because all those possibilities that existed then are gone.”

“It didn’t seem unlikely to me that he could walk through a door or could appear behind a bush,” the 30-year-old actress said. “It was a year of very magical thinking, and in some ways I’m sad to be moving further and further away from it. … I know I got kind of obsessed with that for a while, the before and after. A lot of things died.”

Michelle Williams, who split from Heath Ledger in 2007, also admitted to still having difficulty understanding the death of her former lover and father of her daughter: “I’ve found meanings around the circumstance, but the actual event itself still doesn’t … ”

“I can’t find a meaning for it. I can find meanings in things and people and relationships that have sprung up and friendships that have strengthened. I can find a lot of meaning in that, but not in why.”

Following Ledger’s death, in order to help herself overcome the pain, Williams confessed that she read “The Year of Magical Thinking,” which deals with the grief experienced by the author of the book, Joan Didion, in the period after the death of her husband, John Gregory Dunne.

There’s a line from a book that gave me so much comfort and it said, ‘When you’ve truly lost everything, then at least you can become rich in loss,’ ” she said.

During the interview, the actress and her “Blue Valentine’ co-star, Ryan Gosling, denied rumors that they are a couple, stating that their relationship is of a professional nature.